


Forever My Eternal Love

by nutella_28m



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Forgiveness, Hurt, Lies, Memories, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2020-05-28 06:17:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19388227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nutella_28m/pseuds/nutella_28m
Summary: If only everything he had said had been true.How can the man who is the essence of honesty have lied so skillfully?





	1. Forever My Eternal Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is from my Wattpad profile and I've decided to share it here as well. I really hope you like it and feedback would be much appreciated. 
> 
> Enjoy.

I caressed the photograph with the tips of my fingers, tracing them over his facial features. The photo was from eight months ago, taken by my best friend when we had been visiting California.

We both looked happy, smiles plastered on our faces, eyes gleaming with happiness. It had never come to me that, in that precise moment, we would be sharing our last memories together.

For the past eight months I had been living in depression, his memory both a blessing and a curse. Self deprecation became my superpower after he left. The constant thought of not being good enough plaguing my mind.

I just hoped that wherever Steve Rogers was, he was happy. Happy living in the past with one Peggy Carter.

**_~CA~_ **

"Hey kid."

"Hi Tony."

The billionaire genius placed a small blue box on the counter, red ribbon wrapped around it with small white polka dots. He slid it over to me, sitting on the stool next to me and folding his hands on his lap. It wasn't my birthday and it certainly wasn't any sort of specific holiday.

"What's with the box?" I asked after I poked it.

"A little something I thought you might appreciate since today is the anniversary of the day you and Steve met for the first time." I narrowed my eyes and he smiled.

With cautious fingers I pulled the ribbon, the box unfolding and in it a miniature shield identical to Steve's. It fit in my palm perfectly, a small button underneath catching my attention. I pushed it, from the center emblem, the white star, opening and projecting images of Steve and I, our favorite song playing.

Tears streamed down my eyes, a choked sob getting caught in my throat. I looked up at Tony, his eyes glassy, the memory of his friend hurting him as well. I had gotten over the fact he left with much of Pepper and Tony's help, our moments no longer bitter but sweet to me.

"I thought that maybe, after two years, you would like something that reminded you of your moments with him and what better than a small Capsicle shield. I know for a fact that he regrets going back and that you will always be his one true love." I hugged Tony then, thanking him for the small but significant gift of his.

Later that night I pressed the small button again, watching how the images projected themselves on the ceiling, Ed Sheeran's **''Kiss Me''** played again and again until the last photo was shown, Steve's face appearing after.

His voice filled the silence of my room.

 _"Darling, I don't think this is working. See the red light?"_ He looked confusedly at the camera.

My laughter rang around the walls. _"Baby, the red light means it's working and what are you even doing?"_

_"Well I wanted to make a video of me saying how much I love you for when I'm not around or on a mission."_

_"Steve..."_ I appeared on screen, my lips in a pout as I wrapped my arms around his neck from behind. He was sitting down, pretty much the only way I could have even achieved such thing. _"... you don't need to do that. I know that you love me and I have no doubts about it."_

 _"But do you really? You still question my love for you compared to what I had felt for Peggy."_ He layed his head back on my shoulder, the tape forgotten.

_"She's your girl from the forties, how can I even compare to that? She was gorgeous, smart, strong and an agent, a hero from WWII. I'm just a normal girl with no talents or anything special."_

He got up, unwrapping my hands from his neck but keeping them in his firm grip.

 _"You're right darling, you can't compare to her."_ My face fell. His hands left mine, coming to cradle my cheeks instead. _"You can't compare to her because there is nothing that she ever did that can rival what you have done. She is nothing compared to you. You made me whole my sweet angel and you gave me reasons to live. You have saved me more time than I can count. You own my heart and soul, something she could never. Peggy was my forties crush but you are and will forever be my eternal love."_

He leaned down and kissed me, a kiss so gentle compared to the others we had shared. He pulled back, his hand running through my hair, my own resting on his broad chest as I looked at him.

_"I love you Steven Grant Rogers, for all of eternity."_

_"I love you so much more my angel, for all of eternity."_

The video ended, a cascade of droplets running down my cheeks. I remember that we had made love for the rest of the day, branding the word love on our skins with each kiss and caress.

If only everything he had said had been true.

At the first opportunity he got he jumped to go back with Peggy. He had even said so, his exact words being; _"Peggy is the love of my life and I want to live it with her. I need to go back, for her."_

How can the man who is the essence of honesty have lied so skillfully?

"I love you Steve." I whispered to no one in particular.

**Somewhere in 1945**

Steve poked at the fire, the embers crackling in the dark cave where he and Bucky were hiding in. The blizzard raged outside, the howling muffled by how deep they were secluded inside.

His shield lay forgotten somewhere, his mind far too occupied to be concerned for the circular weapon. He had completed his mission, saving Bucky, defeating Red Skull and hiding the Tesseract. Terminating Hydra had been a bonus, few operatives having escaped from both him and Barnes.

The only thing missing to make his victory even better had been a kiss from the woman he loved. Unfortunaley they were too far apart and the blizzard wasn't helping with making his return any easier.

A simple touch of her lips on his would make everything brighter and warm. She was the sun in his darkest moments and he needed her. All he had left was the photograph he kept in his compass and the necklace she had given him on his birthday.

His hand went to the silver chain, pulling it out from under his suit and holding the small objects between his fingers. One was a small white dove and the other was a beautiful ring. A ring that once belonged to his late mother and that he would give to her if he ever made it back.

He tucked the chain back in, fishing his compass from his pocket, opening it and looking at the picture of his girl. How he wished to hear her voice once more, to make up for lost time.

"I love you my gorgeous angel, for all of eternity." He whispered to the picture, wishing that it would come alive and say it back.

His only regret was having lied to her about why he needed to come back in time, breaking her heart in the process. But, as he told her once, his heart and soul belonged to her and no one else.


	2. This, Was Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You really love her, don't you?" She whispered dejectedly. 
> 
> "With all my being." He replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated. All of you literally blew me away with your comments. I seriously cried. Thank you all for giving this and me a chance. 
> 
> Enjoy.

**New York, 1946**

"Must you really go Steve?" Peggy asked as she stood next to him, both watching Howard make the last adjustments to the time device his own son had built in the future, not that anyone knew that last particular bit of information.

"Peggy, we've already been through this." Steve said, turning to face the agent while trying to keep a polite expression.

Truth be told, he was getting tired of the same question for the past year. He understood to some point her consistency but he believed that after the 366th answer she would get the hint of his decision.

One that wasn't going to change.

"I know we have, but it doesn't mean I won't try one last time for good measure." She smiled sadly.

"I really am sorry Peggy. I'd say that I would change things if I could but, we both know that I don't lie."

Expect he did lie. He lied to the one woman that mattered in his life and he just hoped to be able to fix it all before it was too late.

"You really love her, don't you?" She whispered dejectedly.

"With all my being." He replied, the weight of his compass inside his pants pocket and the necklace around his neck comforting.

Howard appeared before them, his eyes gleaming with triumph as he held his head up high. His voice boomed with joy. "I've fixed it Captain! I have finally fixed the time device!"

"Then I guess it's time to go home." Steve affirmed, hope filling his chest for the first time in the past two years and a half.

**_~CA~_ **

Steve placed the device on the ground, the object instantly expanding to become a platform big enough to hold him and someone else.

His eyes found those of his two fellow friends. Howard Stark was the first to say his goodbyes, asking of him to take care and praise highly whomever made the time machine.

Peggy was hesitant, tears threatening to spill. She hugged him lightly and whispered something in his ear, giving him a small peck on his cheek.

He turned to look at his best friend, Bucky already atop the platform with a grin.

"I'm not getting any younger here." Bucky sang.

Steve chuckled. "I'm going."

He turned on the machine, a bright white light enveloping both of them as he waved goodbye one last time to his friends before disappearing.

And that was it. It was as if he had never even existed. Had never even come back. His presence felt like a dream. A dream that was over in the blink of an eye.

_**~CA~** _

Steve awoke in a room much like the one after his seventy year sleep, only this time, Bucky was in a bed right there next to him.

He moved his legs off the bed, groaning as his muscles stretched and his bones cracked. His feet touched the marble floor, any signs of sleep gone as he explored the room.

A small calendar on the wall near the window said it to be 2016, two years after he had left. His thoughts wandered to his angel and his heart skipped a beat.

He made it back. He was finally going to see her again. He would get to explain everything. He would get to hear her voice, see her beautiful eyes and hug her like there was no tomorrow.

Almost as if his pleads had been heard, the door opened and the angelic timber of her voice in pure rage entered the room, her eyes covered by none other than Tony Stark who had a shit eating grin on his face.

"You'd better not be playing games with me Stark or I'll find a way to bring Ultron back so he can pulverize you."

Ultron?

"Come one kid, when have I ever steered you wrong?..." Tony paused. "Don't answer that question."

Tony motioned for Steve to stay quiet, an impossible feat because his heart was thumping so loud she could probably hear it. Bucky remained quiet on the bed, watching everything unfold.

"Ready kid?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really. On the count of three I will uncover your eyes."

Steve tensed.

"One."

He held his breathe.

"Two."

She breathed deeply.

"Three."

Tony's hands came off her eyes and she opened them, her gaze colliding with Steve's like a magnet.

Both stayed like statues, their eyes never leaving the other's as she whispered his name. He shivered, goosebumps appearing on his arms as she walked closer to him. He remained rooted to his spot, watching with deep fascination how her pink lips parted and her big eyes began to water.

She outstretched her hand, her fingers barely grazing his own, his hand having moved on its own accord. Magnets.

It happened in a matter of seconds, her smaller form cacconed in his larger one. Her warmth seeped into him, filling his body, his heart, and his soul with the life that he lacked for the past two years and a half.

His arms were like iron bars around her waist, crushing her to him and leaving no space between them. Her face was pressed against his neck, her choked sobs muffled on his skin, her hands fisting his shirt from the front.

He whispered sweet nothings loud enough for her to hear, his body wracking with shivers and silent tears falling down his cheeks. Everything was right in his world once again.

This, he missed. This, he needed.

This, was _home_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3?


	3. Far From Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I blamed myself for not being enough for you." 
> 
> "You were more than enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After so long I found the will to keep up with this story and I thank all of you that commented on the last chapter I posted. You never fail to make me feel happy with my writing. Feedback is always appreciated. 
> 
> Enjoy.

**_~CA~_ **

It was hard to ignore the growing tension in the room, Steve's penetrating gaze drilling holes into the back of my head. I would have found it flattering if I still wasn't so pissed with him. I twisted the knob on the door again with more force, sighing heavily after it didn't budge. 

_Stupid Stark and Barnes._

Four months, almost five, had passed since Steve returned and apart from our "loving embrace" things weren't looking any brighter for us. We rarely spoke and when we did it would consist of bickering and heated glares. Tony called it Unresolved Sexual Tension or UST. I would roll my eyes every time he did but said nothing otherwise. 

Honestly, he was right and I was woman enough to admit it. Many things were left unsaid between Steve and I and it made matters worse. He wanted to explain and I didn't want an explanation. I was still bitter about it all; the lies, the tears, the pain and the suffering. He broke my heart and I was scared to give it back to him. I was scared to lose myself.

I banged my head on the door four times before a hand stopped my forehead from smashing into the wood again, the skin on skin contact sending shivers down my spine. His touch still made my insides churn and I hated it. I only wish I hated him as much as I still loved him.

"Please stop." Steve begged. "We've been here three hours and Stark isn't going to open the door anytime soon."

Steve removed his hand after I stepped away from the door, immediately going back to his prior spot on the small couch in the middle of the bedroom and focusing on me again. I quirked an eyebrow in his direction, his shy smile making me freeze on the spot.

"Are you uncomfortable being in here with me?" He asked.

I shook my head, biting my lip to keep from spilling any unnecessary thoughts. I ignored the way his eyes casted down to my mouth, darkening a fraction before returning to their original baby blue. 

"Then what is it, talk to me darling." He ushered, shifting in his seat and patting the space beside him.

I yielded too quickly for my liking, walking until my legs bumped the couch and sitting on the very edge of the cushion. He smiled a little wider, amusement coloring his features. 

"Well?..." 

"I can't really explain it Steve." I whispered. 

He turned to face me, arm thrown over the back of the couch. "Try." 

I stared at him, blue eyes hypnotizing me, willing me to spill all my deepest and darkest secrets. It worked.

"I'm tired Steve. I'm tired of this." I pointed at him and then at me. "I'm tired of having to act as if _nothing_ changed when it did, _everything changed_. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to come to terms with all of this?" I asked.

"No, but I wish I did." He replied.

"You hurt me Steve, deeply. I spent the first year that you were gone crying, asking myself why. Why did he leave? Why did he go? Why didn't I try harder? I blamed myself for not being enough for you." 

Steve interrupted me, tone leaving no room for argument or insecurities. "You were more than enough sweetheart. There was never a day that went by where I didn't regret what I did. When Stark told me there was a chance of going back and saving Bucky I didn't hestitate to take it, but I never considered the consequences that came with my decision." 

"But why lie Steve? Why did you lie to me? Why didn't you tell me the truth? I would have understood." My voice was choked up, tears already burning the corners of my eyes. Crying in front of Steve was the least of my worries right now.

"Would you have let me go alone if I had?" My hair swayed as I shook my head in answer. "You would have offered to come with me darling and I couldn't risk your life. Now, I know that what I said that day; about still loving Peggy, was completely uncalled for but I wasn't thinking straight. Pushing you away was the only thought running through my mind and as soon as I stepped foot out of our old apartment I regretted it. I regretted having said all those horrible things, having lied to you and broken your heart, broken the trust you had for me. I still regret it doll and I will never stop doing so."

His eyes didn't stray from mine the entire time he spoke nor when he took my shaking hands in his. The sincerity behind his baby blues fought with my doubts, slowly winning them over with each passing second. 

Except...

Many still lingered.

"I can't forgive you Steve. Not yet." His face fell but hope shone in his eyes. "I need time to process all of this but, if you wish, we can try and be friends. For the sake of everyone who lives here, especially Tony and Bucky who locked us in this room, I'm willing to try and build a new foundation for our friendship. That's all I can give you at the moment Steve." 

"I can work with that doll." Steve agreed.

The sound of a lock clicking open echoed in the room, my ears perking instantaneously. My gaze swiveled to the door and it was open, Tony Stark and James Barnes standing on the other side. 

I narrowed my eyes at them, quickly glancing at Steve and sending him a soft smile. The blonde supersoldier understood instantly, letting go of my hands and leaning back in the couch, smirk slowly growing on his pink lips. 

"Now..." I said calmly. My tone put both males outside of the room on full alert. "...who should I kill first? Any suggestions?" 

I flinged myself off the couch, Tony and Bucky wasting no time in fleeing from the scene, me hot on their heels.

I didn't notice the sad look Steve sent me after I left nor the errant tear that slipped down his cheek afterwards. 

_Things were far from over between him and I_ _..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4?


	4. Uncomfortable Situations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Payback is a real bitch Steve let me tell you.” 
> 
> “Please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I would like to apologize to everyone who has waited anxiously for Chapter 4. It pains me to know that I made you wait so long but I’m back now and ready to move forward.  
> Second, I have to be truthful here with something. I was going through a tough time after finding out that my best friend of four years and unrequited love of seven was getting married. Our friendship is nonexistent now but we decided that it was for the best, moving on with life an important factor in our decision. Love was mutual but we were afraid of ruining what we had and in the end we still crashed and burned.  
> I realized that I needed to be strong, to come to terms with it all and I did. Slowly but surely I am getting better and he is too.  
> Third, I’m sorry for rambling too long and keeping you from reading so, wonderful readers...
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated and I enjoy replying to each and every one of you gorgeous people’s comments. 2k hits is getting nearer and nearer and I have never felt so proud. The fact that all of you enjoy this so much leaves me breathless. Thank you to you all.
> 
> Enjoy. 🌺

Steve would never admit it but he missed it. He missed holding his beloved in his arms, feeling her smaller body mold into his and accept all the love and warmth he would give her. He missed kissing her whenever he wanted, his lips crashing upon hers in different ways; intense and heated, soft and gentle, sometimes even a light peck. He missed calling her his the most, he missed knowing that she was his as much as he was hers. It hurt him, deep down, that their was a possibility of never getting to experience any of that ever again. The worst part was, he couldn’t blame anyone else but himself. His actions had cost him the one thing, the one person, in the entire world who could ever love him with such an intensity, purity and sincerity.

Their relationship, if it could even be called that, had slowly progressed since their talk. She would speak to him more often than when he first arrived and she wouldn’t avoid him as much. The tension that usually ran between them was greatly subdued, less hostile and more amicable. The team no longer ran for their lives when both were in the same room, the atmosphere finally returning to a _PG-13,_ not an _M_ tilting towards an _R,_ rating. She was trying to be his friend, just like she had said. He could see it in her eyes how much effort she was putting into their new dynamic.

He was trying just as much only in a different way. She was trying to be friends while he was trying to control himself around her. He never realized the predicaments that being friends with his ex girlfriend would ensue. Everything she did fueled his need to have her close, to hold her, kiss her, to touch her. It was pure torture. He loved the progress but hated it at the same time. She would speak to him and he would lose himself in her voice, the soft timber that floated around the room in soothing waves. He would drown in her scent, a mouthwatering cocoa aroma mixed with honey whenever she sat near him or sometimes sparred with him; much to his surprise. 

The first four months of her silence and hostility towards him were nothing compared to the past month of having to resist her natural magnetism at his senses. To make matters worse, the object of his desires always found a way to end up alone with him more often than not. Usually, they would be around a third wheel or even the entire team, a reason for Steve to keep his thoughts to himself and not ruin their “friendship”, but lately they ended up being alone various times of the day.

Right now was a perfect example.

Steve jumped as the doors to the lounge slammed shut, a small yelp of surprise reaching his ears before it was followed by... a cushion smacking him on the head? Steve picked up the small red cushion and threw it back at her, not even needing to turn around to know exactly where she stood. His body and mind were _that_ aware of her, attuned to her frequency. Her playful gasp of indignity brought a smile to Steve’s lips, the sound of the cushion hitting her smaller body satisfying.

”Now that was just plain rude Steve.” 

“How am I the rude one when you threw the cushion at me first?” Steve asked, eyes not once leaving the movie playing on the screen. 

“I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in here when I decided that this was a good place to hide.” Now that piqued Steve’s interest.

The moment Steve turned his head to look behind him he immediately regretted it, the voices on the screen fading into the background as his eyes focused on the beauty standing at the door. The first thing Steve noticed was how wide and bright her eyes were, sparkling with childish glee and mischief. Her cheeks were dusted with a rosy blush, wide grin plastered on her lips. The sight immediately brought back memories of when she would tackle him into their bed, eyes full of unreserved lust and love. She would laugh at his shocked expression after he found himself underneath her, at her mercy.

He cleared his throat when he felt something stir down south, her words resurfacing in his now desire flooded brain. “Hide? Should I be worried?” Steve chuckled in hopes of hiding the gruff tone in his voice. He failed, if the shiver his angel gave was anything to go by.

”Not exactly.” She replied hesitantly.

Steve motioned for her to come over and sit, grabbing a cushion from his side before she neared enough to notice the _small_ dent in his jeans. She sat crossed leg on the couch, eyeing Steve with knowing scrutiny, shaking her head as her eyes glanced quickly at the now covered lap of one Steve Rogers.

Steve flushed under her gaze but said nothing, waiting for her to explain the reason of her need to hide.

She sighed. “Remember when Tony and Bucky locked us in together a month ago and I ran after them with death threats?” Steve nodded but said nothing, letting her continue. “Payback is a real bitch Steve let me tell you.” 

Instead of calling out her use of explicit words like he did everyone else Steve actually laughed. For the first time in three years Steve laughed like he had once done before everything. One of the things Steve had fallen in love with her for was her wicked sense of humor and pranking abilities. He had gotten his fair share of payback pranks after certain incidents but she knew how to make a harmless prank turn into a living nightmare. Whatever she did to both Bucky and Tony must’ve been over the top. 

“Please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.” Steve spoke between bouts of laughter.

“Oh I did.” She giggled.

Just then the door to the lounge burst open once more, the suddenness making both Steve and his troublemaker stand up swiftly, said prankster hiding behind him in hopes of remaining undiscovered. Steve focused on his two best friends standing at the entryway, ignoring the feel of his former lover’s body pressed up against his. Steve had to bite the inside of his cheek in order to keep from doubling over with laughter or getting in trouble as well. Tony and Bucky were covered from head to toe in white powder, faces set in an angry glare, hands scratching all over themselves rapidly while jumping like monkeys.

”What happened to you guys?” Steve asked once he was sure that his voice and face showed no signs of mockery or laughter.

”Your girlfriend is what happened!” Bucky spoke, outraged. Steve made an effort to not let the past reference deter him. 

”That girl has serious issues Capsicle.” Tony added. Steve felt her hands wrap around the back of his shirt, her forehead finding its once usual spot between his shoulders. He couldn’t hold back the shiver at her actions.

“She poured superglue into our shoes.” Bucky informed him. “Thankfully our socks were the only things that remained inside them. After that she locked us two hours in Tony’s lab with the weather changing from ice cold to burning hot.” Tony was nodding along with everything Bucky said.

”About ten minutes before she let us out it started snowing inside my lab.” Steve covered his chuckle with a cough, feeling the small woman shake behind him. “Except it wasn’t fucking snow!” Steve winced at Tony’s choice of wording.

”It was flour.” Bucky continued. “It started with a smudge and ended with a slab of the ceiling above us opening and dropping pounds of it. We showered and bathed in flour Steven!”

”After we left the lab in search of your tiny devil we found ourselves in the kitchen where we conveniently tripped over rigged wire and got baptized in Pica Pica. It itches. EVERYWHERE.” Tony finished.

Steve was speechless. There was literally nothing he could say that could make the situation any better for his friends. All he could do was advise them to shower with cold water in hopes of soothing the itch and to maybe tread lightly in case his little troublemaker decided that the punishment wasn’t over just yet. He watched as his friends left, rather reluctantly he noted, his mind processing what he had just heard and seen. A pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, small hands settling over his stomach and reminding him of the presence still behind him. 

First she giggled, quickly dissolving into laughter. Steve shook his head, content with their position and having her close. It felt different, the fact that she initiated such contact warming him to the very core. He felt her forehead lift from his back and her cheek replace it. Her laughter slowly quieted and she breathed out a soft thank you. He replied in an equal tone, not wanting to break their little bubble of bliss. Alas, all good things must come to an end.

She took her time in peeling herself away from him, rounding his body and looking up at him, a small but meaningful smile poised on her beautiful face. 

“I owe you one.” She uttered quietly. 

Stepping into his personal space she stood on her toes, pecking his cheek in a swift motion and leaving the room without another word. As Steve stared at her retreating form he figured that maybe there was still a possibility of him winning back his angel’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 is currently being brainstormed... Any ideas? Anything you wish to see? Let me know...


	5. Underlying Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you mean Buck?” Steve asked, fists clenched tightly.
> 
> “I’ve seen the way you look at Peggy, Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I start, once again, with an apology to all of those who have been waiting for an update since December. There is no excuse for what I have done and I hope that all of you can forgive me. 
> 
> A part of me struggled with this particular chapter for various reasons, the main one was me finally coming to terms with the fact that my emotional health was deteriorating and that I needed help. I admit that losing my best friend may have struck deeper than I had first thought and I was rapidly falling into denial, opting to hide my feelings rather than talk with someone about them. All I can really do right now is hope that all of you can forgive me for taking so long in updating.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to each and every single one of you gorgeous and wonderful human beings. Thank you for giving this fanfic a try and for supporting me. 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated. I will never be able to express the emotions I feel when I read your comments and how nice everyone is towards me. Without a doubt, I know that you’ll all be there.
> 
> Please enjoy. 🌺

Bucky was tired of watching his best friend pine for the tiny devil and vice versa. Truth be told, there were times where he questioned if having them suddenly disappear would be too much. Now, don’t get him wrong, he loved both of them greatly and he would do anything for them but, _good_ _god_! Never in all his years had Bucky ever felt the need to stab someone as bad as he did when Steve and the satanic firecracker were playing coy. Did they really think that someone like him, Steve’s best friend since childhood and newly best friend to the mini demon, wouldn’t notice the shift in their relationship? 

Of course he noticed, how could he not?

Bucky noticed everything when it came to them, his eyes gravitating to the pair subconsciously and picking up on every single detail, every action and every little quirk. Whether it was the lingering touches and secret smiles, the playful glares and teasing behavior, the hugs that lasted a bit too long to be considered friendly, even the longing looks. All those things only favored the theory bubbling up in Bucky’s brain for the past three weeks. 

Something had happened between them that completely shifted the dynamics of their supposed “friendship”. It was never even a friendship to begin with. Both individual shared far too much history together, their pasts intertwined down to the very core and impossible to separate, their _love_ surpassing the barriers that they themselves had created in hopes of not losing the other entirely.

Because really, when had they ever stopped loving one another?

Bucky’s thoughts traveled back to a certain talk he shared with Steve in 1945, a month after the war had ended. 

_**~CA~** _

_”So, did you ever meet someone in the future, a certain girl maybe?” Bucky asked suddenly, ignoring the way his best friend tensed at the question. ”I never asked before because I thought you would tell me if you did but, I’m curious about this weird thing going on between you and Peggy.”_

_“What do you mean Buck?” Steve asked, fists clenched tightly._

_“I’ve seen the way you look at Peggy, Steve.”_

_Steve’s faced took on a look of pure horror. “Bucky that’s not-“_

_“Let me finish buddy.” Bucky interrupted, continuing when his best friend remained quiet. “As I was saying, I’ve seen the way you look at Peggy, how you act. Your eyes don’t shine like they used to, your smile isn’t genuine and you bristle every time she touches you. She looks at you with loving eyes and you look at her like nothing more than a respected partner or friend. She clings to the memory of the old you, the one before the ice, the Steve that promised her a dance and a future together but...you aren’t that Steve anymore, are you? That isn’t_ you _anymore.”_

_Steve shook his head, looking away from his best friend for a moment. “No, it’s not. I’m not the same man I used to be Buck.” He admitted._

_Bucky thought for only a moment, indecisiveness once and for all placed aside as he asked the question that would put to rest his inquiries._ _“When did you fall out of love for Peggy Carter?”_

_There it was. Out was the question he had wanted to ask Steve since the moment he realized such assumption was a possibility._

_Steve chuckled, the sound surprising Bucky for a second before he noticed the way his friend’s eyes filled with unmistakable warmth and love. “I don’t think I ever really loved Peggy. Even if I had, none if it would have mattered because life took me somewhere else and it was there where I realized that my heart forever belonged to one woman.”_

_Steve’s hand went to his pocket, pulling out a familiar circular object and tossing it at Bucky. One nod from his best friend was all it took before Bucky opened the compass, eyes landing immediately on the beautiful girl in the sole photograph. She was surrounded by a sea of colorful flowers, not a single one rivaling the beauty of her smile. Her eyes were bright and emitting waves of undying love and devotion towards the person, undoubtedly Steve, behind the camera._

_Bucky realized something, but kept quiet. He wouldn’t pry anymore today for the sake of Steve and the tightness in his voice as he whispered two words that sealed the deal._

_”My angel.”_

_**~CA~** _

Bucky smiled. Even then, Steve had worn that lovestruck expression just thinking about her. Speaking of which.

Bucky rolled his eyes, a familiar voice calling his name entering the kitchen, a place were he had been both musing and eating a delicious sandwich. 

“Powderpuff!” She greeted enthusiastically.

Bucky grinned despite himself. “Peewee.” He acknowledged, offering her a bite of his meal once she sat down next to him. 

She declined politely. “I had lunch with Steve about an hour ago.” 

“Where is he by the way? You guys haven’t been more than two feet apart these past couple of weeks. I’m honestly impressed.”

Peewee didn't say a word, instead she found a very interesting spot on the counter to stare at. Bucky’s playful demeanor vanished when he noticed the troubled look in her face, eyebrows pinched and mouth in a thin line. He pushed the plate with his sandwich away, appetite gone, and focused on his friend. When he noticed tears gather in her eyes, well, he panicked.

“Peewee? Are you okay? Did I say something wrong? Did I offend in some way? Tell me I didn’t just offend you or something along those lines. Peewee?” 

“Calm down Bucky.” Peewee whispered, her hand gripping onto his bicep in some sort of comforting gesture. It worked for a moment until...

”You just called me Bucky! How the hell am I supposed to calm down! You never call me Bucky! I’ve always been Sergeant or Powderpuff to you, never Bucky or Buck or even James. Pe-“ Bucky found himself unable to keep speaking when Peewee crushed his cheeks together with her palms, turning him to look at her properly. 

“Can you stop talking for a couple of seconds so that I can say what I have to say?” Bucky nodded, his cheeks still squished between her hands. “Thank you.” She added and let him go. 

Bucky gulped, panic still bubbling within but he stopped himself from saying anything more. Peewee needed him to listen and he could do that while still fretting over her. He breathed in deeply and waited.

“You didn’t offend me Sergeant, I promise. You haven’t done or said anything to offend me and I only wanted to calm you down when I said your name.” He exhaled soundly, some of the tension easing from his shoulders. “It’s just...” Bucky felt his stomach drop.

”Is it Steve?” Bucky stopped when she nodded, choosing his next words wisely. “Did he do something?”

Peewee took in a shaky breath. “Aside from making me fall in love with him, ruining me for any other man, supposedly leaving me for Peggy, ripping my heart out and taking it with him, coming back and explaining everything, respecting my wishes even when we both knew it would eventually all blow up in our faces, slowly making me realize that I still love him no matter what happened in the past an- and why are you smiling?” She asked, halting her rambling. 

Bucky stared at her, a fond smile on his lips. Did she not realize what she just said? Did she really not realize what she admitted to? A beat passed and slowly her face morphed into pure shock. Had the situation been different, Bucky would have laughed at her expression but this was an important matter. It involved both of his best friends and their feelings. It wasn’t something to be taken lightly. Seeing Peewee slowly come to terms with the fact that she still loved Steve the same way the blonde supersoldier still loved her was fascinating and it meant the world to Bucky. He felt honored to experience this moment with her as he once did with Steve. Only, it had been a tad different with the blonde.

“I love Steve.” Peewee breathed. 

“And Steve loves you.” Bucky added. 

Peewee let her head drop on the counter, her shoulders shaking every now and then. Bucky rubbed her back soothingly, consoling her and offering her any emotional support through his silence and actions. It reminded him of the time when Steve had finally told him everything, the emotional impact had been heavy and he had felt the need to say more but found no words to console his best friend. He had merely stayed close, rubbed his back like he was doing now to Peewee, and waited.

“I’m scared.” Peewee whispered between them, her head lifting from the counter. 

Bucky didn’t need to hear her explain of what because he knew. She was afraid of loving Steve. She was afraid of losing him again. She was afraid of losing herself in him again and this time to the point of no return. Bucky sighed, taking her hands in his and clutching them tightly. Here goes nothing.

“He’s scared too, you know. He’s scared of losing you forever. He’s scared of losing the only woman he’s ever loved.” Just as she was about to interrupt he stopped her, squeezing her hands gently. “You might not believe me Peewee but, he’s only ever really loved you. His love for you keeps him alive and the thought of you gives him strength to keep going. He learned to live without his heart for almost three years, I don’t think you should let him do it for the rest of his life though.” 

Bucky let his words sink in. He let her process what he said, let her absorb the information at her own pace and he watched as understanding began to dawn upon her face. Slowly, Peewee understood the implication of his words, the meaning behind what he had revealed. He watched as she realized the same thing he did when Steve had shown him her picture for the first time. 

Peewee wasn’t just the owner of Steve’s heart. Oh no. It went beyond just that. Peewee _was_ Steve’s heart. She would forever _be_ his heart because Steve had chosen her to become the one person he couldn’t live without. She was the reason Steve lived, the reason Steve chose to live everyday until he someday grew old and wrinkly. She was the reason Steve lived his life in a world that had left him behind. She was the heart of Steve Rogers and the sole purpose of his existence. 

“I’m his...” She trailed off, unable to finish. 

“You’re his heart Peewee. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. _His angel_.” 

A choked sob broke through her before her tears cascaded down her cheeks, her small body trembling violently. Bucky pulled her to him, hugging her close and petting her hair. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her hold tight and unyielding, desperate to anchor herself on the reality of things. Wetness began to pool at the collar of his shirt but he didn’t mind, Peewee needed his support. She needed all the support she could get in order to come to terms with the one thing she had denied for quite some time. 

Steve and Sam chose to enter the kitchen then, the smiles they wore dying when they heard Peewee choke on another sob and tremble in Bucky’s arms. Steve appeared at Bucky’s side in the blink of an eye, his hand hovering over the small female before he whispered the one pet name that had made her finally break. 

“Angel, what’s wrong?” Steve asked in anguish. 

Bucky felt Peewee leave his arms instantly at the sound of Steve’s voice, quickly hopping off the chair and into Steve’s awaiting arms. Steve tensed for a second before he crushed her into his body, kissing the top of her head repeatedly and murmuring sweet nothings. Steve looked over at Bucky, waiting for an answer as to why his girl was so torn and shaking. 

“I think both of you need to talk and clear the air my friend.” Bucky said simply.

Bucky left the kitchen with Sam in tow, sandwich forgotten on the counter and the beginning of something new shining somewhere in the horizon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate... I’m here...


	6. Apology From The Author

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry.

For starters, I thank every single person who gave this fanfic a shot and went out of there way to even read it.

Like it said in the title, this is my apology to you for not continuing this fic and leaving it with an open ending even though I promised a happy one. Lately, whenever I tried to update, I felt like I was merely dragging this on and boring everyone with it. I haven’t felt as excited as before when I posted the first four chapters and chapter five was mostly me trying to keep this up. 

I feel horrible for doing this and even more so because perhaps a lot of you really wanted me to continue it and give the characters closure. I’m being honest with all of you and I hate lying, I feel like I lied and now I hate myself for doing so. All I ask is for forgiveness and maybe patience. 

I have other works in the making and I want to share them. Maybe someday I’ll come back to this fic and finish it properly or maybe I’ll give you the choice. 

Shoutouts to everyone who commented, gave kudos and simply read Forever My Eternal Love.

Thank you so much and I hope to hear from you again soon in some of my future works. 

I love you all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am sorry.


End file.
